How Have I Been Feeling of Late?

Get ready to read a WHOLE chapter from the Bible! This is perhaps my favorite chapter of the entire Bible.

"I cry out to God; yes, I shout.
Oh, that God would listen to me!
When I was in deep trouble,
I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
but my soul was not comforted.
I think of God, and I moan,
overwhelmed with longing for his help.

You don’t let me sleep.
I am too distressed even to pray!
I think of the good old days,
long since ended,
when my nights were filled with joyful songs.
I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
Has the Lord rejected me forever?
Will he never again be kind to me?
Is his unfailing love gone forever?
Have his promises permanently failed?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he slammed the door on his compassion?

And I said, “This is my fate;
the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

O God, your ways are holy.
Is there any god as mighty as you?
You are the God of great wonders!
You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.
By your strong arm, you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

When the Red Sea saw you, O God,
its waters looked and trembled!
The sea quaked to its very depths.
The clouds poured down rain;
the thunder rumbled in the sky.
Your arrows of lightning flashed.
Your thunder roared from the whirlwind;
the lightning lit up the world!
The earth trembled and shook.
Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters—
a pathway no one knew was there!
You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep,
with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds."
-Psalm 77

The whole Psalm depicts how I have been feeling lately. In the first couple of verses it states that the writer was to distressed to sleep, or even pray. I have been feeling that way a lot lately.

Like the one time I was in the car on a trip to Kentucky. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't pray. It was one of the most aggravating things ever. As a result I ended up talking with an adult I trust a bunch, and I also read my Bible. 1 Corinthians to be exact. It was recommended that I read it and so I did, I also highlighted lots of important things.

When I talked with this adult I we talked about the possibility of me dating this one girl. This adult told me about what her son did before he started to date the woman he is now married to. She told me about how to tell if you really love someone everything in 1 Corinthians 13 should ring true in that relationship.

The things stated in 1 Corinthians 13 do not ring true in the relationship with my parents. Both my parents and I get angry at each other quickly, and it sucks. That said, we are going through family therapy which will hopefully help fix most of the problems.

Back to the Psalm. I often think back to the days when things were "better." The reason for the "'s is because every day is a good day. That is according to my cross country coach. He is a very smart man, and I agree with him. With the way he looks at things every day is a good one, so I can't possibly think of a day as bad. Sometimes I forget that every day is a good one, and I think of days as being bad. There is always the possibility of your day being worse. Thus everyday is a good one.

One of my friends who I know loves me has told me something many times. He has stated that God promised to never, ever forsake me. This means no matter how many doors I open for satan God will continue to love me. I think that is amazing. In the past I have been unfaithful to God, and have asked Him "why have you forsaken me?" Of course God hadn't forsaken me, or forgotten about me. It was just me being stupid and opening doors for satan to attack me.

Lately I have been under mega attack, and I have needed mega prayer. Which I have gotten, and I have not been under attack. Which is epic. I have been unwilling to pray for myself because I think that God will ignore my prayers or something. That is ridiculous. God sent His Son to die for me, and that means He loves me a bunch.

I want to be like the Red Sea in the Psalm. That means I want to tremble at the mention of God. Which I think is pretty legit. I want to have such a fear and respect for Him that I tremble at His name.

"He said in a loud voice, 'Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come. Worship him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water.'"
-Revelation 14:7

We should fear God. Not bad fear, but good fear. What does that mean? Well, it means we should have a healthy respect and fear for Him. We should be afraid of a God who very well could zap you into oblivion. We should fear God's righteous wrath. He could very well kill everyone, but He doesn't because we were made to love Him, and other people. I'm not trying to scare you by any stretch of the imagination. Just trying to inform you.

Be A Hero

I am writing this after watching To Save A Life. This movie would have to be my favorite Jesus movie. The movie is about this kid who has it all, and then starts to lose it bit, by bit. He starts to go to church, and as a result begins to look at life in a different light. He realizes to be a Christian is not to go to church and sit there and pray. He realized we all have to work together as ONE body, and we have to stand up for those who need someone to stand up for them. The term Christian was not created by the Christians themselves; it was created by the people around them. These other people saw how they would act like Jesus, talk like Jesus, and well be mini Jesuses. We need to act, talk, be like Jesus! What am I getting at? Well, be a hero and be bold. What does it mean to be a hero? Do the right thing, talk to that kid at lunch who sits alone, and talk to that girl in the back of the class. Who knows you might save someone's life. Being bold goes hand in hand with being a hero. When I say bold I mean bold for God. Walk up to people and say "hi I'm (your name)." I can't say from experience how it will turn out, but I know this God will put the words into your mouth He wants you to speak. With boldness comes persecution, so be wary of satan, and put on your armor. If you feel attacked go to your pastor or someone who knows how to handle that kind of stuff.

"How long will you defend the unjust
and show partiality to the wicked?
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed."

Psalm 82:2-3

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10


These verses have come up several times in the past few months. Coincidence? I think not. I think it is God telling me "Hey, don't complain about your problems instead be happy you have them. Be happy I can work through your problems to make you a better person, and help others through it."


Lately one of my friends has been bugging me about my perspective in life. They wanted my to change the way I saw what happened in my childhood, what is going on at home, in school, and the like. Because I look at things so negatively does that make me a bad person? No not in my own opinion. "Darkness does not always equate to evil. Just as light does not always bring good" P.C. Cast. It is when someone else is in need that my light side shines and I really come out and help people. I am the kind of person who does not mind having a shirt with snot on it because you were crying so hard on my shoulder. I feel "Splanchna" (which means feeling a gut wrenching compassion) for people I see that are hurting. No one ever comes to me with their problems and it really hurts me when they do that. It hurts me even worse when I pass up an opportunity to help others. I see problems in things that other people never even thought about. The way I see God is much different then the way others see Him. Just ask about my refrigerator or my rug analogies. If you take away my perspective you take away me. Simple as that. You may have noticed I put this paragraph in past tense. I did this because this friend of mine bailed out on me. This is in my own opinion I tend to make myself the victim.

I wrote this a while ago, as a result, I apologize because it is so bad.