Real Men Wear Pink?

I have been thinking long and hard about being mature in the sense of being an adult.  I don't really remember how the thoughts came to me, but I decided I would write about it and then use Bible passages to back my thoughts up.

There is a distinct difference between being an adult and being a real "man" or a real "woman."  Sure, age marks you as such, but really in most cases you're not really a "real adult."

To me being mature can be summed up in 14 (and probably more)  ways:
1. Being Godly
2. Being responsible
3. Clean language
4. Sobriety
5. Seeking truth in things
6. Not acting rashly
7. Being wise
8. Not being proud
9. Having a sound mind
10. Having healthy relationships
11. Researching before an opinion is formed
12. Having integrity
13. Having mentors
14. Having people they mentor

All of this said, I know being a mature is a process and you won't get there until you're in Heaven.  I say this because I see people who I would classify as mature doing failing to do some of the things on the list. Which just makes me think maturity is a journey.

I've also come to realize there is no quick or easy way to maturity, which stinks in some ways but also makes the journey so much better in other ways.  I've found that I tend to treat objects a lot worse if someone gives it to me, or at least I tend to.  There is some sort of pride that goes into earning what you have that comes with hard work.  I don't understand why that is or how it works, but I know it does.  This makes growing up so much more rewarding because you earned it.

It's funny how God rewards maturity.  Once I moved out of my parent's house I abused my freedoms quite a bit.  I ended up drinking way more than I should have, but God used that to let me realize that getting drunk isn't as fantastic as everyone says it is.  Once I decided to not drink God started pouring blessings on me. It's really cool to know God respects our obedience. I don't even fully know how God made me grow as I can't really fully look at myself to see how mature I am and have an accurate reading of it.

God's been telling me I'll be a youth pastor for years and I had been shirking the calling because I didn't want to go to school and I thought being a youth pastor wouldn't let me reach the "broken" kids.  "Broken" to me means the people that are often forgotten by others because they are considered "unlovable."

I was talking with one of my mentors about starting youth ministry and she directed me towards doing ministry with kids in Juvie.  I love this idea!  I've been praying and asking if this is where God wants me and if it is, that He would show me how to get there.

Last week God reopened my eyes to the calling I have for the homeless.  I was driving and there was a homeless girl freezing outside God told me I was going to be helping her and so I did.  I went out and bought a blanket, food, and some other stuff for her.  I decided to keep blankets and other things in my car to help the homeless.  I also decided I would leave a room for Mira where I live and Mira would always have a place in my house.  Mira is the name of the girl I met last week since I didn't really explain that.

Most of my favorite people are the ones who aren't afraid to tell me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear.  They're the people I go to when I need help and when I need advice.  It's also nice to just sit and talk to them about stuff.  It's crazy how God also blesses it when you let people speak into your life.

I hope this helped with sharing where I'm at with maturity.

It's Been A Long While

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post anything, I was swamped by a bunch of stuff in life. I've decided to undertake the task of cleaning my blogs up and also only use one. I'm sorry if your favorite post goes missing.

Battle Cry

This post will hopefully be fairly lengthy as I have so much on my mind. Lately fighting has been on my mind. I don't mean just physical fighting but also every other kind of fight. Since I stopped running Junior year, I've decided lately I want to start doing martial arts.

Especially pressing on my mind has been the idea of Spiritual warfare. I know it isn't something I need to worry about; so I don't. I only give demons a thought when they are messing with me or someone else. However, the idea of just messing up satan and being a warrior for Christ is what fascinates me. I wish I could find the words to fully express why I want this. Having faith in Christ is enough to cause satan and all his legions to mark me as an enemy.

I want to be that enemy. I want to be that man who everyone thinks of when they think of a Christian. I want to be the person who is willing to die for his faith. One of my favorite, and lengthy quotes, touches on this:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is 

much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, 

nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable 

creature, and has no chance of being free unless made or kept so by the 

exertions of better men than himself."

-John Stuart Mill

This quote reminds me if I am unwilling to fight for freedom in any sense, I am not the best person I can be.

Daddy

I know I said I was done with this blog, and I am in a way.  I'm done with posting flowery diary stuff.

Tonight I went to Maundy-Thursday service at church.  We celebrated the Seder Meal and my mind was blown.  Every single expectation I had about God and tradition and everything else has been utterly wrecked.  For the past couple days I have been wrestling with the idea of perception.  Like, how do people see me?  What do they think of when they look at me?  Who decides what "truth" is?

What if the way we see "truth" is actually wrong?  Take people with dyslexia for example, we say they see letters and words incorrectly.  What if they are seeing them the right way?  Who said, "they way  the majority views stuff is right."  Recently my family and I got into a fight about forgiveness.  They say God won't forgive me until I forgive them.  According to their logic I'm going to hell because I can't forgive them for the things they have done.

I disagree.  I can't forgive until God forgives me.  If what they think is right, then how would I know how to forgive?  I wouldn't.  What gives them the right to shut me down and tell me I'm wrong?

Now I feel like I can't talk with them about the things I enjoy to discuss.  I could care less about most common conversations.  I don't like to sit around and talk about the weather or whatever.  I would much rather be up to my elbows in the muck of life.  What can I do to fix this problem?  How can I help other people?  Those are the things I care about.  Then there's of course the other conversations I have about say having my kid on the moon so they can rule the moon.  It's silly, but those are the kinds of things I care about.

Lately I've been asking God to give me heart after His.  I want to pray for other people as God would have me pray and serve them as God would have me serve.  Daddy, I want to be like you.

Well Then

I have a totally different blog that is specifically for updating and promoting my personal works.  Check it out here.

Hell Hath No Fury At All

Storm the Gates of Hell by Demon Hunter is the song I'm really meditating on right now.  It's the song that wraps me up in a neat little package with a razor wire bow.  I can't remember if I wrote about this already, but as a Christian we have two callings: to further the Kingdom of God and to fuck up satan's.

"You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder."

- James 2:19

You already have the victory.  You have nothing to fear.  Demons and satan can't touch you unless you directly let them or God gives them permission.  In either case, God has got your back to the point where you don't have to worry.  

By helping God's Kingdom you are tearing down satan's and vice versa.  Building up God's realm is just as simple as loving.  That's it.  

I have to admit, I still care about Angie after I broke up with her, and I still love her.  It's really rough on me, but I don't think I'll ever really get over caring or loving for her.  It's just something I need to accept. It's really hard for me to let anything go.

It's one of my faults and another is how I treat myself.  I let other people walk all over me and then I beat myself up after that by adding to their insults.  Then I get upset about beating myself up and then I want other people to fix me.  

I have a really big problem with not wanting to fix myself by myself.  I guess I need help, but only to a certain point.  *shrugs* I think I'm done. 

Stand Up. Speak Out. Fight Back.

Ot3P "Confrontation"

At what point should I stand up for myself?  When is it acceptable to speak out?  What about fighting back?

Never.

According to society we should never ever stand up, speak out, or fight back.  It's disgusting how we are supposed to accept the "hand we are dealt."  Yet, people who pursue the so called "American Dream" and rise above their lot.

Those people are praised, but I am shut down for trying to make my life better.  How am I trying to do so?  By following everyone's standards and trying to suck up the fact I am not happy.

My solution?  I have none that would work.  I want to talk with the people, but they don't listen, and then the conversation gets heated...

"Let us be known for the things we believe in, for the things we fight for and strive for."

-Ot3p

Sacrifice

God put this idea on my heart a while ago and then I ran away from Him.  Tonight I started getting the fellowship I need.  God kind of put this idea BACK in my heart.

As a Christian we really only have two callings: further God's kingdom and screw up satan's.  That's all there is to it.

How does one do both?  I have two songs that will hopefully help clarify.  "Sons of Thunder" and "The Finisher"

False Hope

This post is going to seem backwards.  Because it is backwards.  I first saw this picture on a shirt freshman year.  I wrote the poem that I am about to share around the end of junior year.  I shared it with my friends who I knew would be honest with my work.  They loved it. 

My room is a mess and I find "lost" things in it quite often.  Sometimes I will make an effort to find a certain "jewel."  This poem was what I sought after.  It took some ruffling through paper, but I found it. 

My intention was to read it for my creative writing class.  Neither the teacher nor the student teacher showed up.  Instead, a community assistant was there.  Nothing productive happened that day.

-Russian Roulette-

I slide a round into the chamber
Spin the chamber round and round
In a game of twisted fun
Cold steel feels smooth against my temple
The revolver clicks as I pull the hammer
Cocked and ready to fire
Slowly I pull the trigger
Sweat gleams on my furrowed brow
Blam the gun fires
Butterflies flutter from my skull

Running, Running Away

Right now I am listening to "Run" by Kutless.  Every time I listen to this song it brings remorse to my heart.  It reminds me that I am the one who runs away from God, not the other way around.  This simple truth is something that I need to be reminded of.

It's too easy to forget that God is there.  I am constantly forgetting that.  It's really amazing how people think of God and how many forget that God never leaves you.