Daddy

I know I said I was done with this blog, and I am in a way.  I'm done with posting flowery diary stuff.

Tonight I went to Maundy-Thursday service at church.  We celebrated the Seder Meal and my mind was blown.  Every single expectation I had about God and tradition and everything else has been utterly wrecked.  For the past couple days I have been wrestling with the idea of perception.  Like, how do people see me?  What do they think of when they look at me?  Who decides what "truth" is?

What if the way we see "truth" is actually wrong?  Take people with dyslexia for example, we say they see letters and words incorrectly.  What if they are seeing them the right way?  Who said, "they way  the majority views stuff is right."  Recently my family and I got into a fight about forgiveness.  They say God won't forgive me until I forgive them.  According to their logic I'm going to hell because I can't forgive them for the things they have done.

I disagree.  I can't forgive until God forgives me.  If what they think is right, then how would I know how to forgive?  I wouldn't.  What gives them the right to shut me down and tell me I'm wrong?

Now I feel like I can't talk with them about the things I enjoy to discuss.  I could care less about most common conversations.  I don't like to sit around and talk about the weather or whatever.  I would much rather be up to my elbows in the muck of life.  What can I do to fix this problem?  How can I help other people?  Those are the things I care about.  Then there's of course the other conversations I have about say having my kid on the moon so they can rule the moon.  It's silly, but those are the kinds of things I care about.

Lately I've been asking God to give me heart after His.  I want to pray for other people as God would have me pray and serve them as God would have me serve.  Daddy, I want to be like you.